Ya Gotta Be Jewish to Appreciate.....
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It was mealtime during a flight on El-Al.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moishe, seated in
front. "What are my choices?" Moishe asked "Yes or no," she replied.
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An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and brought to the local
hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Epstein, are
you comfortable?" Epstein replies, "I make a nice living...."
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Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the
restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy". The
second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy". The third
takes a deep breath and says impatiently "Girls, I thought we agreed that we
weren't going to talk about our children".
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Signs on Synagogue Bulleting Boards:
Under same management for over 5763 years
Beat the Rosh Hashana rush, come to shul this shabbat
Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case!
Come early for a good seat
What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?
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A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Channukah cards.
She says to the clerk "May I have 50 Channukah stamps please" "What
denomination?" says the clerk. The woman says "Oy vay,...my god, has it
come to this? Okay, give me 6 orthodox, 12 conservative and 32 reform!"

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