Jewish Jokes sent in by members
God
speaks to Moses - again!
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"The
Debt"
It's
3:00 A.M. and Goldie wakes up to see her husband pacing the floor. "Melvin,
why can't you sleep?" she asks him. "You know our next door neighbor,
Sam. I borrowed $1,000 from him,
and it's due tomorrow
morning and I don't have the money. I don't know what
I'm going to do." Melvin replies. Goldie gets out of bed and opens the window.
"Sam," she shouts, and several times more, "Sam, Sam."Finally
a very groggy Sam opens the window opposite her and yells back, "What, what
is it...it's 3 AM, what
the hell do you want?"Goldie says, "You
know the $1,000 my husband owes you? He doesn't have it."She then slams the
window shut, turns to Melvin and says, now you go to sleep, and let Sam pace the
floor."
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"The Bunny and the
Snake"
Once upon a time,
in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.
A surprising coincidence was that both were blind from birth.
One day,
the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through
the forest, when the bunny tripped over the
snake and fell down. This, of
course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.
"Oh, my," said
the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind
since birth; so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan,
I don't even know what I am."
"It's quite okay," replied
the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been
blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could
kind of slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you'll have
that going for you."
"Oh, that would be wonderful," replied
the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're
covered with
soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and
you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny."
"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny in obvious excitement. The
bunny suggested to the snake, "maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help
you the same way you've helped me."
So the bunny felt the snake
all over, and remarked, "Well, you're scaly and slimy, and you have a forked
tongue, backbone and no balls. I'd say you're a politician, an attorney, or possibly
upper management."
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Subject: Sharing Everything .
. .
A little old couple
walked slowly into a fast-food restaurant on a cold winter evening. They looked
out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers
were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together,
probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked right
up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for
their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food
off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French
fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between
them. As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get
restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking. "That poor old couple.
All they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood and came over to
the old couples table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple
to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing
everything. Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping
the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something
to eat. This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything
together. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly
with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer.
Again he came
over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused
again
he finally asked a question of the little old lady. "Ma'am, why
aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are
waiting for?"
She answered, "The teeth."
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