30 yrs. ago I stood on this bimah and became a bat mitzvah. I want to share with you some of what I've learned since then on my path to adulthood that helped me make more sense out of Behukotai.

It was a troublesome parsha because it deals with mitzvot, or commandments, especially hukkim or laws that unlike those regarding murder or how to care for the poor have no obvious ethical implications. Besides, Jewish scripture and liturgy emphasize that G-d took us by the hand and led us out of Mitzrayim. Each Pesach we are supposed to feel this liberation literally and personally. Don't these two basic ideas in Judaism - freedom and commandments - conflict?

To answer that question I had to learn that every waking action is a choice, though often not consciously driven or considered. Look around and you'll see people acting differently, showing you some of your options. The choices available at any given time can be better accessed when consciously known. Understanding my actions to be choices required that I accept full responsibility for each one. In doing so I quickly realized that my actions determine how I feel about myself. When you think back to something you've done that you weren't proud of, it is likely that you were reacting rather than consciously choosing an act you knew to be wrong.

Reading Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning about how he coped in Nazi camps, strengthens my understanding of personal power, available even in the face of absolute oppression. Aggressors can eliminate our external choices, but only we can choose our attitudes, thoughts and feelings. We can give away personal power, but it can't be taken against our will.

G-d gave us Torah and commandments after liberating us. He chose us and we need to be free in order to choose G-d in return. Love only exists when parties freely choose it. The moment choice is eliminated, entrapment replaces love. As we study the Shir HaShirim, Song of Songs, during Pesach we make the connection between freedom and our loving relationship with G-d.

Commandment and moral obligation don't eliminate our free choice. We can and often do disregard them. But when we see them as G-d's will and choose to submit to them as part of a search for meaning in our lives, true happiness, freedom and personal power are natural consequences.

Abraham Joshua Heschel teaches that hukkim have their own hidden incentive. Their purpose is not obvious until you experience the process of observing them. Hukkim increase our consciousness of our actions and their relationships to G-d. They elevate ordinary actions to the level of holiness. If we keep kosher we don't just shove food into our mouths when hungry, but think about what we eat and what blessings to say. We are not only feeding our hungry stomachs when we eat with this type of kavannah or intention. Eating itself is motivated by hunger and survival; eating as an intentional reminder of our connection to G-d is a choice.

Freedom is not license to do whatever and whenever we feel. We recognize the place for laws and rules and don't feel a lack of freedom when they protect us, rather than restrict our rights. Freedom is a condition necessary to be able to choose - right vs. wrong, love vs. indifference and truth vs. lies. We might choose to do the right thing even if we don't feel like it. I brush my teeth when I don't feel like it because it is in my best interest.

And when you're tending to matters of spiritual health, such as going to daily minyans or keeping kosher, the rewards are greater than healthy teeth. Your physical health can only last so long. Your moral and spiritual paths, when connected, never deteriorate. The momentum is always forward and as you feel closer to G-d, Truth and Meaning, you are happier and freer. Even when faced with tragedy you have skills to cope. As Frankl taught - the inner core never has to adjust to externals.

Two excellent rabbis I've been lucky enough to know, and Heschel, convinced me that even if I didn't feel like getting involved in observance of Jewish law, I ought to try. Through experience I might understand the benefits. Separating Shabbat as a day devoted to refreshing the soul turned out to have a high and immediate yield and it's a good place to start. Attending minyans, putting on tephillin and keeping kosher require more patience.

And what about the curses and blessings mentioned in Behukotai as rewards and punishments? I don't interpret the text literally, but there are natural, that is
G-d-given, consequences. I already mentioned that choices have consequences regarding self-esteem. They often affect others as well.

Denmark, rather than handing Jews over to the Nazis, used fishing boats to smuggle them in the cover of darkness to freedom. In many countries 1/3 to 9/10 of the Jewish populations were killed; in Denmark the percentage was .7,
almost 0. My father has made choices too many to name that benefit the entire community. For example he helped to integrate the Savannah legal system and bring public radio to the airwaves.

Natural consequences may be G-d's way of guiding us toward good. I am still learning the positive ways mizvot affect my life. Every day I feel freer, more aware, closer to Truth and closer to G-d. Now as we count the omer and transition from the season of our liberation to a celebration of the gift of Torah, let us use each day to consider that freedom and mitzvot are both gifts of love from G-d and allow us to return that love.

Lauren Buchsbaum

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