BSKI Welcoming
Kaaran Bowden

August 13, 2005

Erev Tov! Shmee Keren Shoshana Rut Mischa bat Avraham Avinu v'Sarah Imanu . It is a great joy to say that in Hebrew.

I am here today because of the support my friends, family and community.

I would like to introduce my guests to you.

Two of my Hebrew classmates are here. One is Sarah Frankel . I also see her husband Harlie with her. One very bad weather day, Sarah and I were the only ones to come to class. She asked, “Do you want to study Hebrew?” I said “Yes.” And so we did. Bonding occurred then. Our Hebrew class attended Sarah's bat mitzvah. Another classmate is Rosalee Franklin , who also attended the Florence Melton Adult Mini School for two years and graduated with me. Rosalee and I seem to keep meeting: she was also working at the mikveh when I converted to Judaism on June 20 th of this year. I am much honored to have two of my classmates here today. You already know another of my classmates Margie Gillerman , who is in Europe today, but who was a witness at my conversion.

With them, I had a lot more fun than can be imagined. Not only is Hebrew a very ancient and holy language, but it has multi-layered levels of meaning and can even be very funny.

I love puns.

In Hebrew: Ma is what , me is who , who is he , and he is she . A bet is where you live .

It is a pleasure to see my friend Sharon Weissman here. We met at the Florence Melton Mini-School . She is a para-rabbi from Shaare Emeth ; and, her poetry shows the deep insights she uses in her job helping people.

I also met Elsie Roth at CAJE in a Mystical Moments Class. Elsie is a nurse who organized a group of nurses to help in Bosnia . Now she is helping Ethiopian Jews immigrate to Israel . Because she helps caretake so many people in the world, as well as adopts a wide variety of animals, I think of her as Chava, the Jewish name for Eve. I hope to get to know her better in the near future.

I met my very dear friend Libby Sorkin Routman at a CAJE class in Contemporary Issues in Judaism. She has the unusual combined gifts of honesty and kindness with deep insight. She is someone who explains Judaism to me anytime . We attend Jewish Theater, e-mail a lot, and frequently dine and go places together. Her kind friendship continues to change me in very positive ways.

Another place I frequent is the "J", where I have met many friends. And, I am honored to have some of them here today: Myra Wolff, Dolly Krawll , Billie Rechter and Shelly Marglous . Myra is retired from the furniture business. Her particularly sweet smile is very warming. Dolly Krawll, Billie Rechter and Shelly Marglous are part of a stretch flex class I sometimes attend. Sometimes our class goes out to lunch for birthdays. These ladies each give a warm and special feeling to the meaning of “friends and community”.

Also attending are Robin Chervitz and her husband David. Robin and her husband and family are very, very active in support of the entire Jewish community. I first became aware of Robin at a Brian Weiss Workshop at the Jewish Book Festival. She is very interesting to talk to; and I must say, my very great pleasure to know.

I am a wife of 34 years to Robert Joe Bowden , the tall handsome gray haired gentleman, and a mother of 2 grown sons, Jaacob and Aaron . Aaron is visiting here today from Kansas with his lovely wife April , and their two-month old twin sons Samuel and Logan . Although I converted earlier this summer, near to the summer solstice, I delayed this welcoming so that the twins would be old enough to attend; and, I am so happy they are all here. Our other son Jaacob is in the middle of a pro-golf tournament in Arkansas . Jaacob recently gave his Dad one of the highlights of his life when Joe caddied for him in a pro-golf event.

Also welcomed are Ohio visitors: my mother in-law Marguerite Bowden , who honors me by attending, “Thanks for coming, Mom.”; my husband's brother Rich, who has on the Ram's keppe . Rich is an elementary school principal, and his wife Karan is a pre-school teacher. And, visiting from a teaching tour in Japan , my husband's other brother Jim and his devoted wife Carol . After retiring from being a principal, Jim signed on for an educational tour in Japan . He currently has one more year to teach there. I welcome them today.

Our friends Heather and Troy Pendley , and her mother and father Marion and Merle Bockting are here. I first met Heather and her mother in Colorado at a science teacher's seminar. I was impressed with Heather's kindness and sincerity, so we became friends. Her husband Troy has just started a painting and interior/exterior work company, and wow! is he ever good! Heather's mother grows the best tomatoes in Herculaneum , and possibly in all of Missouri . We are also grateful for her generosity with her tasty tomatoes.

I am very, very grateful to my family and friends for their love and support. I am also grateful to the congregation, because without you none of this would be possible.

My gratitude and appreciation is extended to Rabbi Miller for his kind guidance, Bea Sorkin for her help, Paula Hamvas and Kosher Katering for the luncheon preparations, to all those who are helping with each part of the service today.

Whether Jewish by birth, or by choice, no one arrives here by only their own efforts. It takes a community and family and friends to help shape the individual.

My heritage includes many nations and religions. I am descended from several European nations, three Native American Tribes, and am also of Jewish descent; although the Jewish influence much stopped with the death of my paternal grandparents when I was 2 and 3 years old.

Throughout this life, I sincerely searched many religions and studies, accruing about fifteen degrees and certifications, a Governor's Award, and community citations. My name was even memorialized in bronze—and, I wasn't even dead yet.

But, even though my efforts were rewarded in terms of personal enrichment, and, frequently benefited those around me, I still seemed to wander from place to place, ever searching, sometimes staying for longer or shorter periods of time, but never quite feeling like I could fit in with only one group.

Then, about fifteen years ago, I began to realize that… maybe that was just the way it was, and was possibly always going to be that way. I had studied many religions including Hinduism, Native American practices, and even had belonged to a few Christian denominations … only to find that no matter how hard I tried to fit in, I just didn't have my heart in the “dance” of their paradigm. Yet, I continued to believe in and search for God as Higher Power.

Sometime after that, about ten years ago, I began a certain and unexplainable pull towards Judaism. At the time, I had been volunteer reporting for Interfaith Partnerships of Kirkwood's Interfaith Calendar. I began to notice that every time a Jewish interfaith event came up, I became very deeply excited and very interested.

I began hanging around the Holocaust Museum and attended their monthly Sunday afternoon movies. After some months, I got the courage to enter the Brodsky Library. I say I needed “courage”, and will explain this.

I had been born near to the close of WWII. In public high school, we had been told about the Holocaust, even shown some movies. But, we had not been told the specific geographic location of the murder of the millions of Jewish civilians. Having been told the Germans were responsible, probably many of us assumed that it happened in Germany .

But something in me had always been deeply and uncommonly troubled about those particular events.

I asked the librarian if she had any information about the Holocaust, maybe … Eastern Europe or Poland . She brought me a Jewish Encyclopedia. And there, when I discovered the truth, I put my head in my hands, stricken. My life had just changed forever.

It would be difficult to say just how an event of the magnitude of WWII could affect even persons of partial Jewish blood. Whether it had been metaphor, myth, dream or some type of memory, it was brought home to my heart that the flashes of past events which had been recurring in the back of my mind throughout my life, that I had tried so carefully to both remember, and at the same time forget, had been true.

From infancy, and even throughout life, I had been aware of another mother, another father, another family, and time and place, which had started out so well, but had ended so tragically. What it was, I had not been told; but then, I had hardly ever discussed it growing up, or even as a grown up.

I began drawing and writing about what I “remembered” previous to this life. As I grew further into Judaism, and allowed myself to change into who I was, I found I was less bothered by those astounding side memories. It was a solution that was occurring, not so much by trying to figure out the source of the content, but rather the intent of the message. That is, the solution was to establish in the community to which I should belong.

Whether it was memory or the metaphor of a dream wasn't the point. It had been a “road sign” for me about where to go and what to do in the future.

We all get information about what decisions to make in our life in many different ways. Some people intuit or deduct, others use the training of parents, teachers or other leaders or persons in the community to guide them, or, they have dreams or visions.

As I began to write about and draw pictures about what I remembered about so many years ago, the negative effects mitigated. And, much to my surprised discovery, as I merged deeper into the Jewish community and faith, those deep-set memories somehow became a hallmark of hope.

As Rabbi Yonassem Gershom wrote: after the war, there weren't enough Jewish homes for Jewish babies to be born into. Then, it follows that they would be born into homes and lives where they could eventually find their way to where they really belonged.

Outwardly, I have found an immense feeling of warmth and belonging in this community. At the same time the warmth and belongingness that I experience in the Jewish community happen immensely and deeply in my heart. My even greater happiness was in being astounded by a theology that matched the research and beliefs I had come to.

Sometimes, people ask my friend Libby, “ Why does she want to be Jewish? Then, Libby, in her way of expressing kind-concise truth says, “Because she finds Jews warm and welcoming. And, she feels Jewish.”

In short, after about 40 years of wandering different places as an adult, I came home. (Jews will recognize this pattern.)

As I look back along the road traveled, I see that there were many signs and clues all along the way that I was Jewish. I just needed to figure them out, then find out where that was.

So, how does all this relate to the day before Tishu B'Av, the date of national mourning for the date of the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem , the date of the expulsion of Jews from Spain , and other sad times?

The prophet Zecharyah Chapter 8, Verse 9 records: “The Fast of the Fourth Month, and the Fast of the Fifth, and the fast of the Seventh, and the Fast of the Tenth shall become times of joy and gladness , and cheerful feasts for the House of Yehudah.”

We share today's simcha with each other, because, the solution to a dark night is to fill it with love; because, above all else, love does last .

Albert Einstein wrote, “Cold is the absence of warmth. Dark is the absence of light. Evil is the absence of goodness.”

So, let us reclaim the darkness with light , put warmth in the cold, place goodness in evil, and hope in despair, as we go forward together .

How did we get to the doorstep of T'ishu BAv for this event? As I mentioned, after the birth of the twins, we waited for them to be old enough to travel here; and, then I took the first available date in August when Rabbi Miller was also available.

And, so we go forward in time and space from the doorstep of Tishu B'Av, through it into the light of the future…with family, friends and community… together, as it should be.

May the Lord bring us gently to Him, bless us; and then turn to us His smiling face to us for our happiness forever.

Baruch Adonai .

I leave two books here today with Rabbi Miller. The first one is a child's book about Tishu B'Av … because it is the best way to study such a difficult time: that is with hope . The other book is Choosing Judaism … by Anita Diamant, who writes with the same wonderful style she used for her best seller The Red Tent . It was very useful to me, and might be helpful to another person in the future.

I hope everyone will join my husband and me for the kiddush following the services.

Thank you.