I wish my friends and family had instead phrased things differently, had not exacted from me a promise I could not for certain keep.
Actually, I never considered not going to Israel this summer because I thought it would be unsafe; I figured if USY believed they could have sufficient security, then that was good enough for me. I considered not going to Israel because I thought perhaps a group visit to Israel this summer would be just summer camp that happened to take place in Israel.
True, we didn't get to shop as much or go off on our own as frequently as those who took this same trip in past years, but we all understood and I think expected that coming into the summer. But we were never denied the excitement of Israel; in fact it was enhanced by doing non-tourist things such as a hike almost every day, where our group was surrounded by the land's natural beauty and the destination was the site of an event in the Torah. This was no summer camp, no same old tour in yet another stuffy 'autobus.'
And I did feel safe.
Before Molly and I left, a few people told us that we would bring peace by going, and at first it seemed we had. The "situation" really didn't start to get bad until the last week and a half of our trip. I remember thinking that we were a month in and not a single incident had happened. But, when we heard of the first bombing since we had arrived in Israel, my reactions surprised me. I wasn't scared. True, the incident occurred far away from where my group was, but I had always assumed I would be affected so much more if a bombing took place in Israel when I was there. At home, I hear of an attack and I am sad, but I don't think about it the next day.
To my surprise, in Israel it was the same. At first I was upset with myself: how could I not be more worried or feel more connected to the people involved? Perhaps it still seems surreal to me that such acts of hatred can occur. My friend Robyn told me she knew coming to Israel was especially risky right now, and before she left she told her friends that she might never see them again. She didn't mean to scare anyone, but she was preparing herself and others for that possibility. But I know that even if I had said that to someone before going on my trip, I would not have truly believed it.
I don't understand how Robyn or anyone else could accept what for me seems such a horrible fatalism. And while I don't disagree with Robyn, because she's being realistic, I can't be like that. And I like to think that feeling safe is not a bad thing. I felt safe, safe enough to go to Israel this summer, to show my support, and to have the best time of my life.